Jon Singer (jonsinger) wrote,
Jon Singer

Two Views into the Future of the Windows® Operating System, with Sidebar

1: Rather Unlikely

Having, some time since, gotten past various tiffs, Apple and Microsoft get together around 2016, conclude an operating agreement, and produce a conjoint operating system. (“If ya can’t lick ’em, join ’em.”) Even before the first release it becomes known to geeks as WacOS, and soon nobody remembers its real name. Immediately after it hits the streets, VAPID [Vicious Adolescents Primarily Interested [in] Damage] proceed to issue unauthorized revisions; these give rise to an even better acronym. At a later point the leaders of the SoftApple combine decide, in an almost unheard-of display of generosity, to open-source it, thus legitimizing and encouraging the WHackOS. This action is followed by an expectably heated (and expectably boring) exchange of kudos and condemnations, albeit with a few well-placed remarks from our favorite epigraphers.

Whilst everyone is busy having a hissy-fit a few years hence, let us step aside for a moment and examine another issue.


Sidebar: Developments in Computing Physics

During the period in which the items above and below are occurring, the search for the semi-legendary Higgins OSon continues. The Higgins is a fundamental particle of computing that is understood to cause operating systems and even hardware to increase in capability and complexity over time. Despite minor disagreements about details, all models agree in that the Breidbart parameter (the ratio of the exponent of the complexity-related term to that of the capability-related term, minus 1) is modestly positive.

The search is conducted primarily at the LHC (“Large Higgins Computer”). Properly speaking, this is actually the Johnson-Higgins Advanced Computing Operations Facility [and] Associated Library/Laboratory, Triply Redundant Architecture Distributed Entirely Stochastically (“JHACOFALLTRADES”), but let us not fret too much over it.

I confess that I could be somewhat envious of the Fellow who has the Grand Central Console on his desk, and is the Functional Director of the facility, though I’m sure his work keeps him extremely busy.


2. Far more unlikely in the near term, but possibly more interesting in the long run

In recent years it has been discovered that there are many instances in which foreign DNA has become integrated into the genetic material of plants and animals. (I believe I have read, for example, that one chunk of retroviral DNA is required in order for the human placenta to implant properly. Go figure.) This leads straightforwardly to the notion of a parabiological approach to the problem of malware, and a group at Microsoft Advanced Technology Headquarters begins, around 2018, to develop something informally known as “BioWin” that is initially more resilient and tolerant of malware, and soon becomes capable of actively engulfing, subverting, and incorporating it. (“If ya can’t lick ’em, suck ’em.”) [En Français, “BioWin” becomes “Fenetres Bios”, though some people, particularly those who are opposed to GMOs, refer to it as “Ténèbres Bios”. Ahem.]

Even in our time, Microsoft is famous for what can only, in this light, be referred to as Capture Events; these can, of course, be expected to continue. With very small OSes they typically lead, after sufficient pummeling, to larger easily-detected features known as “Arduosos” and occasional smaller ghost or shadow particles called “Virtuinos”.

Early stages on the parabiological path are described as procodiotic. In parallel with bacteria, which exchange plasmids, procodiotic Windows versions exchange Snippets of Actively Recycled Code (“SARCasmids”). Somewhat later, eucodiotic forms arise. These can actually have sex (or at least some sort of advanced intercourse) with each other. The resulting hybrids, perhaps fortunately, are almost all STERILE (“Some Things Extend [to] Ridiculous, Inane Levels [of] Extrapolation”)...

...and so it goes.

Tags: operating systems, physics, silliness

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